a day at lacma

“For life is the best thing we have in this existence.  And if we should desire to believe in something, it should be a beacon within.  This beacon being the sun, sea, and sky, our children, our work, our companions and, most simply put, the embodiment of love.” -Patti Smith

Yesterday my mom and I took a trip up to Los Angeles to visit family.  Since my mom is often on-call on the weekends, we like to plan out fun stuff for us to do together when she’s not on-call.  So, this weekend, since we already have family in LA, we decided to go up to visit and spend some time in the city.

I’ve wanted to go to LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art) for as long as I can remember, so we decided to go there yesterday, bringing my grandma along.  I found out that one of the exhibits at the museum was “Robert Mapplethorpe: The Perfect Medium.”  I’ve loved Robert Mapplethorpe’s photography since I read Patti Smith’s book, Just Kids, a couple years ago, which is all about her relationship with Robert Mapplethorpe.  This was also the last weekend that the exhibit was going to be on display at LACMA, so it felt like everything in the universe aligned for me to see Mapplethorpe’s work.

We spent an hour and half going through just the Mapplethorpe exhibit.  All of his work was so fascinating and enchanting, and it felt each time I looked at one of his infamous photographs I was being pulled into his world during the 70’s and 80’s.  Seeing his incredible photos of Patti Smith that I’ve loved for such a long time was quite an experience.  He was a beautiful and mystifying person.

After going through the Mapplethorpe exhibit, we spent another hour or two going through the rest of the museum.  The architecture in that place was amazing.  It definitely lived up to the expectations I built for the past four years.


Today I’m Listening To…

I listened to this during my workout today and started crying while doing sit-ups.  Just simply one of the most beautiful songs ever written.  And Freddie Mercury’s voice… oh, my heart.

Feeling Stuck

During summer I always tend to lose track of the day and date and time. Everything just feels like it blends together for three months, and then BAM, I have a week left until I start school again and all I can think is “thank god.”

Summer’s never been my thing.  It’s just a time to pass the time until I’m back in school where I feel the most productive and the most human because I’m learning and I have something I have to show up to five days a week.  I have to answer to someone.  I’m never good at making plans with people, and in San Diego I don’t really have many people to make plans with as it is, so every summer, if I’m not working or doing sports, I’m usually by myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to be by myself.  Growing up an only child, you learn quickly how to keep yourself entertained for hours.  I used to lock myself in my room and read my books for hours when I was five.  No joke.  So I do like to be alone.

This summer feels different than all the others, though.  This summer was unexpected.  All year I thought I was going to be in Chicago for the whole summer, in my first apartment with a job, living the life I lived all through my freshman year of college, only better.  Then circumstances changed throughout the course of the year.  Instead of staying the whole summer, I was going to come home for a month and a half and then go back in August.  Then the last couple weeks of school, circumstances changed again.

Now here I am.

It’s July 19th.  I’ve been home for a little over a month now, but it feels like I’ve been here forever.  Usually time passes quickly during the summers because time always blends together, but this summer it feels like it passes slower and slower with each day.

I’ve been home for over a month, and I still have a month and a couple weeks left until I return again.  HOW CAN THAT BE?????

I’ve been trying to make use of all the free time I’ve found myself having.  I’m going to school two days a week to get some GE credits out of the way.  I watch movies and a lot of Game of Thrones.  But mostly I just kind of sit around and wait for the time to pass.

My mom’s been saying that I should stop waiting for people and just get out and do things, but I just feel completely stuck here.  This is not where I’m supposed to be.  I wasn’t supposed to come back to San Diego for this much time for at least ten years.  It’s one of the most beautiful places in the country, but I can’t stand it. It just reminds me of high school and all the people I’ve lost and all the sadness and loneliness.

It’s been strange going from living on my own in Chicago, where there’s always something to do and always someone to do something with, to coming home to San Diego for three months and having zero people to do things with and nothing to do.  This is why I feel stuck.  I took a hundred steps forward, and now I’ve taken a thousand steps back.

I feel like I’m just sitting around waiting for the rest of my life to start.  I don’t want to sound like I’m ungrateful, or complain too much, but I promised to get honest with myself.  And this is the honest truth.

August 27th can’t possibly come fast enough.  I’ll have an apartment, my best friend will be my roommate, and I’ll be back with my friends in the city I love more than any place in the world.  That’s where I belong.  That’s where I need to be.  It’s just going to take a little longer to get there.

Making Things Happen

It’s that time of year — big things are happening/about to happen.  The school year is slowly approaching, which means I’m about to be a sophomore in college.  How did that happen?  As cliche as this is to say, it feels like just yesterday it was my very first day of high school.  Even more so, it feels like I just moved into my dorm at DePaul and had my first day of immersion week.  Now I’ve been home for over a month after finishing my first year of college, and I’m already thinking about going back to Chicago.  Where the hell did the time go????

Yesterday was a day I might (possibly) always remember.  I sent in my first ever application for an apartment in Chicago (eeeeeeep)!!!! I am so excited beyond belief.  And the best part?  I get to live with my best friend!  We lived together in the dorms freshman year, and the whole time we always talked about what it would be like to have our own apartment, how we would decorate it, where we’d wanna live.  Now it’s finally coming.  Here’s to hoping we get approved for this place because it’s pretty near perfect.

Today I booked my flight to head back to Chicago and truly start my adult life.  I’ll have a job, be living in my first apartment, have my best friend as a roommate, all while being in my second year of college studying what I love more than anything in the world.  On days when I forget about all that’s about to happen I get sad and wish time away.  I think about how long it’ll be before it’s August X or September Y.  Then I have to stop and think about the things I have ahead of me to remember how damn lucky I am.

If someone would’ve told me that I’d end up going to college in Chicago, studying English and Film, about to have my first apartment with my best friend, I wouldn’t believe them.  I don’t know how I got to this point, but a lot of things had to happen, both good and bad.  And in times like these, with so much ahead of me and so much life that needs to be lived, I am so grateful for everything in my past, because it all led me to here.  And here is pretty dang sweet.



Hi there!  Thanks for stopping by.  Let me introduce myself…

This is me:


Or, at least, that was me, a little over a year ago, right before I graduated high school and took the big step into adulthood (weeee)! I’ve changed a lot since then, but one thing that hasn’t changed is that I love to write.  It makes me feel free.  It makes me feel safe.  I feel at home with a pen in my hand.  I never go anywhere without my journal.  It’s the one thing in my life that makes me feel better no matter the day or the circumstance.

So now I’m here.  It’s the summer after my freshman year of college.  I’m home in San Diego until the end of August and so this blog partially arose out of boredom.  But mostly this blog is here for me to have a conversation with someone.  The internet is nice in that way.  I never know who I’m talking to, but it always feels like someone is on the other side of the screen listening.  Sometimes I need that.  I need someone to tell things to.

I like to write about everything so that’s what this blog is.  A place about everything in my life.  Let’s see how this goes.